Again whilst on the elliptical this morning I was listening to my Ipod. Yes, there is a jack to plug it into and really great speakers to hear all of my favorite tunes! So the album "Rust Never Sleeps" pops up and away we go!
The song "Thrasher" rolled right in behind "Hey Hey My My" and I began to drift and dream with the imagery of Neil Young's well written lyrics.
I wondered about the meanings behind lines like: "they had given all they had for something new" knowing exactly who 'they' were. I've done it myself. You probably have also... That moment when you trade it all in for something that appears to be better than what you have right now. It seems that there is always a higher price tag for not counting the cost for such trade offs, when in reality, we were better off to stay put. Stay the course. Keep keeping on. We never get ahead by starting over all the time. There always seems to be a catch on these 'too good to be true' deals.
"It was then that I knew I'd had enough, burned my credit card for fuel. Headed out to where the pavement turns to sand. With a one-way ticket to the land of truth and my suitcase in my hand, how I lost my friends I still don't understand." This is the fourth stanza out of eight. (Musical genius!) This verse is where Neil decides that Crosby Stills and Nash are better off without him and vice versa. But I believe it speaks more of a universal truth. I believe the author is saying that when we finally get a taste of what is good and right, and we're tired of the status quo, though it may be lonely, we can walk away knowing we are doing the right thing. Even if it means leaving your coat or your cards and money on the table. Some things are just not worth repeating whether in word or deed. You know. Cut our losses. Move along.
I think in these well-penned lyrics Neil believes that it was best for him to move on down the line. He is trying to impart that life is short and a thrashing comes to us all. And yes, there will be pain. But it is in the pain that we grow and rise to a better understanding of circumstances and people around us. "Down the windy halls of friendship, to the rose clipped by the bullwhip." I don't know about you, but most of my friends today are not those of yesteryear. There are a few wonderfully, faithful ones that hang in there and keep in touch. I am grateful for I know this is rare.
And in the last verse: "But me I'm not stopping there, got my own row left to hoe. Just another line in the field of time. When the thrasher comes I'll be stuck in the sun like the dinosaurs in shrines. But I'll know the time has come to give what's mine." Is this about the maturation process? Or maybe a beginning of the understanding of the rhythms of life and the human experience. Perhaps Young sees his life and death in a brief moment of clarity, knowing that he too will pass away. But in the mean time, with death a long way off (if we are blessed,) each of us has our own race to run. Each of us has a contribution to make. A positive one or a negative one by our words and actions each day.
So what'll it be? You gonna hang around lost in rock formations, becoming park bench mutations on the sidewalks and in the stations, waiting, waiting... or are you going to agree to the Great Grand Canyon rescue episode. Will you raise up your hands for help/surrender? You can decide how your story will go. Just say yes to God's design and saddle up for the grand adventure. (A rescue plan is in the works, I promise!)
Hey hey, my my!
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Thursday, February 21, 2013
deeper well...
In my reading today whilst on the elliptical, I realized I have not been dipping into the deeper well that has been offered to me--that has been offered to all of us. I have spent a lion's share of winter complaining about the weather. Something I cannot change. I have been dwelling on the loss of loved ones. Something I cannot change. I have been been very self centered and focused on what I want, what I think, what I feel. I'm sad. I'm sick. I'm hungry. I'm tired. I'm, me, me, me... my, my, my. Bob Seger put it in a song when he sang how he was 'tired of his own voice.' NOW THIS IS SOMETHING I CAN CHANGE!
The negativity has to cease!
A question came to my attention this morning: "What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?"
If you know me, you know I am a big fan/follower of Jesus Christ and enjoy reading His Bible. I especially love the stories about the un-named women in the Bible. John 4 tells of a woman at a well. She is a broken soul in need of refreshing. Little did she know she would encounter God when she showed up in the heat of that day to dip from Jacob's well. Jesus gave her his take on water, wells and eternal life. He did not look down his nose at her for her past failures or her negative outlook on life. He did not give up on her as she steered clear of religion, worship and church people during the course of their conversation. He was so focused on her well being.... just like Jesus to put everything else aside to take care of that one lost sheep.
That day, that unknown woman forever deemed "the Samaritan woman at the well," was given a deeper well to draw from. She was given a new perspective. She went away with a whole new point of view! She went away with resources and wisdom to live out the rest of her days.
My memory is short. I forget so easily how much I am loved by God, my family and friends. I forget that spring has not forgotten to come... it's just not time yet. I forget that it's not all about me. I forget that I too have wisdom and a deeper well to draw from when the going gets tough.{A spring of water welling up to eternal life.} I forget to look up. I forget to look out. I forget to do a simple, kind deed for someone else to help me forget about myself for awhile. Forgive me and thank you 'book on elliptical' for the reminder.
God is still holy and good. Even when we forget.
What would I attempt to do if I knew I could not fail?
Have less fear of the unknown.
Love more. Speak sweeter words.
Go to cooking school in Italy and commandeer a local restaurant!
Ride the most amazing little horse and cut cows on her.
Finish all those books I've started writing.
Laugh even louder than I already do... maybe just longer.
See more of my family.
Believe.
The negativity has to cease!
A question came to my attention this morning: "What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?"
If you know me, you know I am a big fan/follower of Jesus Christ and enjoy reading His Bible. I especially love the stories about the un-named women in the Bible. John 4 tells of a woman at a well. She is a broken soul in need of refreshing. Little did she know she would encounter God when she showed up in the heat of that day to dip from Jacob's well. Jesus gave her his take on water, wells and eternal life. He did not look down his nose at her for her past failures or her negative outlook on life. He did not give up on her as she steered clear of religion, worship and church people during the course of their conversation. He was so focused on her well being.... just like Jesus to put everything else aside to take care of that one lost sheep.
That day, that unknown woman forever deemed "the Samaritan woman at the well," was given a deeper well to draw from. She was given a new perspective. She went away with a whole new point of view! She went away with resources and wisdom to live out the rest of her days.
My memory is short. I forget so easily how much I am loved by God, my family and friends. I forget that spring has not forgotten to come... it's just not time yet. I forget that it's not all about me. I forget that I too have wisdom and a deeper well to draw from when the going gets tough.{A spring of water welling up to eternal life.} I forget to look up. I forget to look out. I forget to do a simple, kind deed for someone else to help me forget about myself for awhile. Forgive me and thank you 'book on elliptical' for the reminder.
God is still holy and good. Even when we forget.
What would I attempt to do if I knew I could not fail?
Have less fear of the unknown.
Love more. Speak sweeter words.
Go to cooking school in Italy and commandeer a local restaurant!
Ride the most amazing little horse and cut cows on her.
Finish all those books I've started writing.
Laugh even louder than I already do... maybe just longer.
See more of my family.
Believe.
Friday, February 15, 2013
One Day at a Time
Every day now, the countryman will remind you, is another day toward spring. If it is bright and sunny, it is a bonus day to weigh against the winter averages. If it is raw and blustery, full of snow or sleet or torturing wind, it is one more day of winter endured. Either way, it moves us another step toward April.
The days themselves are changing. When the year turned, the sun was in the sky only a little more than nine hours. In mid-February it will be there, visible or not, an hour and a half longer. And the night hours of darkness are losing their grip on the numbing cold. Until the middle of February, the nights will have been losing about two minutes of darkness each day, but after this period they will lose almost three.
Don't go looking for spring just down the road. All you will find is March. The vernal equinox now is just weeks ahead, true; but spring isn't a date on a calendar, and it isn't an astronomical calculation set down in an almanac. Spring is a new sprout, an unfolding leaf, a blossom and a bee. It is brooks chattering across the meadows and peepers shrilling in the bog lands in the dusk.
But first, winter must pass. And winter, whether it lifts your heart or tries your soul, still passes one day at a time.
--Editorial in New York Times
I clipped this from a Reader's Digest a few years back when it seemed winter in Red Lodge would never end. Now, back in Powell, it still seems like winter will never end. I am beginning to wonder if the winter in my heart will ever end... I can see signs of spring approaching to end this grief. Winds will blow and change everything once again. Whether winds of chilling, or winds of warming, oh my how the wind doth blow!
But first, winter must pass. And winter, whether it lifts your heart or tries your soul, still passes one day at a time.
We will get by. Thanks be to God who gives us added strength and moments of peace and clarity.
Remembering warmer days...
The days themselves are changing. When the year turned, the sun was in the sky only a little more than nine hours. In mid-February it will be there, visible or not, an hour and a half longer. And the night hours of darkness are losing their grip on the numbing cold. Until the middle of February, the nights will have been losing about two minutes of darkness each day, but after this period they will lose almost three.
Don't go looking for spring just down the road. All you will find is March. The vernal equinox now is just weeks ahead, true; but spring isn't a date on a calendar, and it isn't an astronomical calculation set down in an almanac. Spring is a new sprout, an unfolding leaf, a blossom and a bee. It is brooks chattering across the meadows and peepers shrilling in the bog lands in the dusk.
But first, winter must pass. And winter, whether it lifts your heart or tries your soul, still passes one day at a time.
--Editorial in New York Times
I clipped this from a Reader's Digest a few years back when it seemed winter in Red Lodge would never end. Now, back in Powell, it still seems like winter will never end. I am beginning to wonder if the winter in my heart will ever end... I can see signs of spring approaching to end this grief. Winds will blow and change everything once again. Whether winds of chilling, or winds of warming, oh my how the wind doth blow!
But first, winter must pass. And winter, whether it lifts your heart or tries your soul, still passes one day at a time.
We will get by. Thanks be to God who gives us added strength and moments of peace and clarity.
Remembering warmer days...
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Live Inside This Day
Just listening to Zac Brown perusing my online accounts.
Zac is singing: "Don't let this moment pass, live inside this day."
That's easier said than done.
Some days are a diamond and some days are a stone. Going on about the 25th day of it being a stone... Tired of living this way! Gotta find a way to change this up. I'm praying.
Been reading this book for a few days.
The author Brett states: "God is in each of us, in the midst of every tragedy and problem. It's up to us to call forth our greatest light and love and be the miracle, right here, right now."
OK. And when the miracle doesn't match our definition of a miracle? Then what?
Then GOD.
How's that for circular reasoning? (As long as He is at the center!) Just saying.
He is sovereign. He is just. He is merciful. He is forgiving. He is good.
His will be done today.
And I will try to live inside this day.
(the key word here is live.)
... but that is a topic for another day!
I took this pict up the North Fork, Cody, WY last summer. The promise of better things to come.
Zac is singing: "Don't let this moment pass, live inside this day."
That's easier said than done.
Some days are a diamond and some days are a stone. Going on about the 25th day of it being a stone... Tired of living this way! Gotta find a way to change this up. I'm praying.
Been reading this book for a few days.
The author Brett states: "God is in each of us, in the midst of every tragedy and problem. It's up to us to call forth our greatest light and love and be the miracle, right here, right now."
OK. And when the miracle doesn't match our definition of a miracle? Then what?
Then GOD.
How's that for circular reasoning? (As long as He is at the center!) Just saying.
He is sovereign. He is just. He is merciful. He is forgiving. He is good.
His will be done today.
And I will try to live inside this day.
(the key word here is live.)
... but that is a topic for another day!
I took this pict up the North Fork, Cody, WY last summer. The promise of better things to come.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
A Grief Re-Observed...
Many of you know that we hold the works of C.S. Lewis in high regard at our house. He wrote a book about grief when his wife died from cancer. I tried to read it on the plane home after losing my sister to cancer almost two years ago.
His writings go too deep for my comprehension most of the time, and at that time I could barely finish a paragraph without putting down the book and wandering off in my thoughts. Today I read it again, this time from cover to cover in less than an hour.
In Lewis' book, entitled "A Grief Observed", he expounds on how grief is "like a bomber circling round and dropping its bombs each time the circle brings it overhead."
My mother and I revisited our grief again yesterday. It's not like you really want to keep going there. My father told her not to dwell on it, but how do we know that it is not dwelling on us? Like the circling bomber, another explosion of fresh grief just drops out of nowhere.
It was good however, to go together to that 'sacred place' and have another look from this distance. The pain does not seem to dim, but my understanding does seem brighter. Lewis describes our life and our building of this life as house of cards. He goes on to say that "God has not been trying to experiment on my faith or love in order to find out their quality. He knew it already. It was I who didn't. In this trial He makes us occupy the dock, the witness box, and the bench all at once. He always knew that my temple was a house of cards. His only way of making me realize this fact was to knock it down."
I do know that God is good, but He isn't safe. He will cause pain and use pain to grow us up into Him. I don't exactly like this plan, but then my finite wisdom is no match for God. Lewis says there is nothing we can do with suffering except to suffer it. He poses the question: "Who still thinks there is some device (if only he could find it) which will make pain not to be pain. It doesn't really matter whether you grip the arm of the dentist's chair or let your hands lie in your lap. The drill drills on." (Nurse Child says this is not helpful!!) I am glad I am not alone in these larger than life issues.
Someday this will all make sense. Till then we wait the best we can. Loving one another, comforting one another with what we have been comforted, and doing the daily tasks at hand to the best of our ability.
I love you, family. All is well. Carry on.
His writings go too deep for my comprehension most of the time, and at that time I could barely finish a paragraph without putting down the book and wandering off in my thoughts. Today I read it again, this time from cover to cover in less than an hour.
In Lewis' book, entitled "A Grief Observed", he expounds on how grief is "like a bomber circling round and dropping its bombs each time the circle brings it overhead."
My mother and I revisited our grief again yesterday. It's not like you really want to keep going there. My father told her not to dwell on it, but how do we know that it is not dwelling on us? Like the circling bomber, another explosion of fresh grief just drops out of nowhere.
It was good however, to go together to that 'sacred place' and have another look from this distance. The pain does not seem to dim, but my understanding does seem brighter. Lewis describes our life and our building of this life as house of cards. He goes on to say that "God has not been trying to experiment on my faith or love in order to find out their quality. He knew it already. It was I who didn't. In this trial He makes us occupy the dock, the witness box, and the bench all at once. He always knew that my temple was a house of cards. His only way of making me realize this fact was to knock it down."
I do know that God is good, but He isn't safe. He will cause pain and use pain to grow us up into Him. I don't exactly like this plan, but then my finite wisdom is no match for God. Lewis says there is nothing we can do with suffering except to suffer it. He poses the question: "Who still thinks there is some device (if only he could find it) which will make pain not to be pain. It doesn't really matter whether you grip the arm of the dentist's chair or let your hands lie in your lap. The drill drills on." (Nurse Child says this is not helpful!!) I am glad I am not alone in these larger than life issues.
Someday this will all make sense. Till then we wait the best we can. Loving one another, comforting one another with what we have been comforted, and doing the daily tasks at hand to the best of our ability.
I love you, family. All is well. Carry on.
Monday, January 7, 2013
Humble
Took Addy to a team sorting practice on Saturday. It was fun to meet new people and get her out of her pen for a day. Winter seems exceptionally cold this year. It was thirty five degrees there--approximately 30 degrees warmer than at our house!
Needless to say, we were sadly inept at the whole process. Addy has only been near cows on the open range and not in a small herd of steers cramped in an indoor arena with forty other horse/rider pairs milling around, and a sound system blaring in her ears. Don't get me wrong, I'm not making excuses. But, I have only sorted cattle once and on a borrowed horse.
I couldn't even get Addy to approach the cattle without running through my legs to get away from them. It would seem that when they faced her directly, she was horrified. Maybe I was horrified and the feeling transfered to her!(ok... I was horrified!) At any rate, my new girlfriend there had to forfeit her ride/money (twice) and go into the herd with me just to get Addy anywhere near those smelly, furry monsters. By the last time we entered the herd, my mare actually put her head down, laid her ears back and moved in behind a steer we had cut out.
The gal I went to the event with warmed up together amidst the mob, but politely backed down when the time came to sign up to participate. She said she thought better of it being so uncomfortable with the crowd. This was not so for yours truly! I marched right up to that table, gave my name and handed the clerk my $20. "Pair me up with anyone," I announced. I am a firm believer in the saying "Strangers are only friends we haven't met yet!"
On the ride home it dawned on me how much of a greenhorn I must have appeared to the regulars there that day. Good thing you really only have to do that once. Next time, (heck yes, I'm going back!) I won't be the new kid with the green horse. Addy is a quick study and so is her master. This is such a fun sport.
A good dose of humility goes a long, long way. At least now I know what to practice on those cold winter days here at home, outside-- against the elements. I need some steers. "Oh Construction Man..."
Needless to say, we were sadly inept at the whole process. Addy has only been near cows on the open range and not in a small herd of steers cramped in an indoor arena with forty other horse/rider pairs milling around, and a sound system blaring in her ears. Don't get me wrong, I'm not making excuses. But, I have only sorted cattle once and on a borrowed horse.
I couldn't even get Addy to approach the cattle without running through my legs to get away from them. It would seem that when they faced her directly, she was horrified. Maybe I was horrified and the feeling transfered to her!(ok... I was horrified!) At any rate, my new girlfriend there had to forfeit her ride/money (twice) and go into the herd with me just to get Addy anywhere near those smelly, furry monsters. By the last time we entered the herd, my mare actually put her head down, laid her ears back and moved in behind a steer we had cut out.
The gal I went to the event with warmed up together amidst the mob, but politely backed down when the time came to sign up to participate. She said she thought better of it being so uncomfortable with the crowd. This was not so for yours truly! I marched right up to that table, gave my name and handed the clerk my $20. "Pair me up with anyone," I announced. I am a firm believer in the saying "Strangers are only friends we haven't met yet!"
On the ride home it dawned on me how much of a greenhorn I must have appeared to the regulars there that day. Good thing you really only have to do that once. Next time, (heck yes, I'm going back!) I won't be the new kid with the green horse. Addy is a quick study and so is her master. This is such a fun sport.
A good dose of humility goes a long, long way. At least now I know what to practice on those cold winter days here at home, outside-- against the elements. I need some steers. "Oh Construction Man..."
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Happy New Year!
January 2, 2013.... SWEET!
Nothing like a clean slate; a new morning; a new week; new mercies and compassions that fail not from the Lord!
What will this year bring?
I rode Addy yesterday after her three week break. Been so darned cold up here in Wyoming and all the kids were home for the Christmas season. This mom's time was filled with many preparations, chores and love!
Even though it was only 14 degrees I saddled her up and took a spin. She came back strong remembering my hands and legs and even letting Nurse Child walk her about. Such a great little horse. :)
What will this year bring?
God's will to be done in our lives is the best that we can hope for.
We stand at a cross roads today with Construction Man finished in North Dakota, and he and his brother wrapping up their business together. (They both want to do something different.)
We have checked out various properties from Washington to Minnesota; even locally, on Heart Mountain.
I can't wait to see what the next adventure will be.
My prayer is for my family to remain healthy and also to be able to spend a lot more time with my brother and my mom and dad.
I have been blessed. I have a loving husband, great daughters, wonderful parents, a sweet little bro, good inlaws, a warm house, nourishing food, health, fun filled friends, a horse and saddle, a guitar to make music, a wild ass dog--HANK, and a big, BIG GOD who loves us all very much.
I know He has the plan for the new year. For this I am grateful, cause if I was in charge things would certainly go awry.
I gotta go. There are dishes in the sink, laundry on the floor, unmade beds-- all denoting that we have eaten well, worn clothes, and slept peacefully/comfortably!
It's already shaping up to be a great 2013.
Father and daughters...
my anniversary/ Christmas present!
Nothing like a clean slate; a new morning; a new week; new mercies and compassions that fail not from the Lord!
What will this year bring?
I rode Addy yesterday after her three week break. Been so darned cold up here in Wyoming and all the kids were home for the Christmas season. This mom's time was filled with many preparations, chores and love!
Even though it was only 14 degrees I saddled her up and took a spin. She came back strong remembering my hands and legs and even letting Nurse Child walk her about. Such a great little horse. :)
What will this year bring?
God's will to be done in our lives is the best that we can hope for.
We stand at a cross roads today with Construction Man finished in North Dakota, and he and his brother wrapping up their business together. (They both want to do something different.)
We have checked out various properties from Washington to Minnesota; even locally, on Heart Mountain.
I can't wait to see what the next adventure will be.
My prayer is for my family to remain healthy and also to be able to spend a lot more time with my brother and my mom and dad.
I have been blessed. I have a loving husband, great daughters, wonderful parents, a sweet little bro, good inlaws, a warm house, nourishing food, health, fun filled friends, a horse and saddle, a guitar to make music, a wild ass dog--HANK, and a big, BIG GOD who loves us all very much.
I know He has the plan for the new year. For this I am grateful, cause if I was in charge things would certainly go awry.
I gotta go. There are dishes in the sink, laundry on the floor, unmade beds-- all denoting that we have eaten well, worn clothes, and slept peacefully/comfortably!
It's already shaping up to be a great 2013.
Father and daughters...
my anniversary/ Christmas present!
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