Live Inside This Day

Just listening to Zac Brown perusing my online accounts.

Zac is singing: "Don't let this moment pass, live inside this day."

That's easier said than done.

Some days are a diamond and some days are a stone. Going on about the 25th day of it being a stone... Tired of living this way! Gotta find a way to change this up. I'm praying.



Been reading this book for a few days.
The author Brett states: "God is in each of us, in the midst of every tragedy and problem. It's up to us to call forth our greatest light and love and be the miracle, right here, right now."

OK. And when the miracle doesn't match our definition of a miracle? Then what?

Then GOD.

How's that for circular reasoning? (As long as He is at the center!) Just saying.

He is sovereign. He is just. He is merciful. He is forgiving. He is good.
His will be done today.
And I will try to live inside this day.
(the key word here is live.)

... but that is a topic for another day!



I took this pict up the North Fork, Cody, WY last summer. The promise of better things to come.

A Grief Re-Observed...

Many of you know that we hold the works of C.S. Lewis in high regard at our house. He wrote a book about grief when his wife died from cancer. I tried to read it on the plane home after losing my sister to cancer almost two years ago.

His writings go too deep for my comprehension most of the time, and at that time I could barely finish a paragraph without putting down the book and wandering off in my thoughts. Today I read it again, this time from cover to cover in less than an hour.

In Lewis' book, entitled "A Grief Observed", he expounds on how grief is "like a bomber circling round and dropping its bombs each time the circle brings it overhead."

My mother and I revisited our grief again yesterday. It's not like you really want to keep going there. My father told her not to dwell on it, but how do we know that it is not dwelling on us? Like the circling bomber, another explosion of fresh grief just drops out of nowhere.

It was good however, to go together to that 'sacred place' and have another look from this distance. The pain does not seem to dim, but my understanding does seem brighter. Lewis describes our life and our building of this life as house of cards. He goes on to say that "God has not been trying to experiment on my faith or love in order to find out their quality. He knew it already. It was I who didn't. In this trial He makes us occupy the dock, the witness box, and the bench all at once. He always knew that my temple was a house of cards. His only way of making me realize this fact was to knock it down."

I do know that God is good, but He isn't safe. He will cause pain and use pain to grow us up into Him. I don't exactly like this plan, but then my finite wisdom is no match for God. Lewis says there is nothing we can do with suffering except to suffer it. He poses the question: "Who still thinks there is some device (if only he could find it) which will make pain not to be pain. It doesn't really matter whether you grip the arm of the dentist's chair or let your hands lie in your lap. The drill drills on." (Nurse Child says this is not helpful!!) I am glad I am not alone in these larger than life issues.

Someday this will all make sense. Till then we wait the best we can. Loving one another, comforting one another with what we have been comforted, and doing the daily tasks at hand to the best of our ability.

I love you, family. All is well. Carry on.

Humble

Took Addy to a team sorting practice on Saturday. It was fun to meet new people and get her out of her pen for a day. Winter seems exceptionally cold this year. It was thirty five degrees there--approximately 30 degrees warmer than at our house!

Needless to say, we were sadly inept at the whole process. Addy has only been near cows on the open range and not in a small herd of steers cramped in an indoor arena with forty other horse/rider pairs milling around, and a sound system blaring in her ears. Don't get me wrong, I'm not making excuses. But, I have only sorted cattle once and on a borrowed horse.

I couldn't even get Addy to approach the cattle without running through my legs to get away from them. It would seem that when they faced her directly, she was horrified. Maybe I was horrified and the feeling transfered to her!(ok... I was horrified!) At any rate, my new girlfriend there had to forfeit her ride/money (twice) and go into the herd with me just to get Addy anywhere near those smelly, furry monsters. By the last time we entered the herd, my mare actually put her head down, laid her ears back and moved in behind a steer we had cut out.

The gal I went to the event with warmed up together amidst the mob, but politely backed down when the time came to sign up to participate. She said she thought better of it being so uncomfortable with the crowd. This was not so for yours truly! I marched right up to that table, gave my name and handed the clerk my $20. "Pair me up with anyone," I announced. I am a firm believer in the saying "Strangers are only friends we haven't met yet!"

On the ride home it dawned on me how much of a greenhorn I must have appeared to the regulars there that day. Good thing you really only have to do that once. Next time, (heck yes, I'm going back!) I won't be the new kid with the green horse. Addy is a quick study and so is her master. This is such a fun sport.

A good dose of humility goes a long, long way. At least now I know what to practice on those cold winter days here at home, outside-- against the elements. I need some steers. "Oh Construction Man..."

Happy New Year!

January 2, 2013.... SWEET!
Nothing like a clean slate; a new morning; a new week; new mercies and compassions that fail not from the Lord!
What will this year bring?
I rode Addy yesterday after her three week break. Been so darned cold up here in Wyoming and all the kids were home for the Christmas season. This mom's time was filled with many preparations, chores and love!
Even though it was only 14 degrees I saddled her up and took a spin. She came back strong remembering my hands and legs and even letting Nurse Child walk her about. Such a great little horse. :)
What will this year bring?
God's will to be done in our lives is the best that we can hope for.
We stand at a cross roads today with Construction Man finished in North Dakota, and he and his brother wrapping up their business together. (They both want to do something different.)
We have checked out various properties from Washington to Minnesota; even locally, on Heart Mountain.
I can't wait to see what the next adventure will be.
My prayer is for my family to remain healthy and also to be able to spend a lot more time with my brother and my mom and dad.
I have been blessed. I have a loving husband, great daughters, wonderful parents, a sweet little bro, good inlaws, a warm house, nourishing food, health, fun filled friends, a horse and saddle, a guitar to make music, a wild ass dog--HANK, and a big, BIG GOD who loves us all very much.
I know He has the plan for the new year. For this I am grateful, cause if I was in charge things would certainly go awry.
I gotta go. There are dishes in the sink, laundry on the floor, unmade beds-- all denoting that we have eaten well, worn clothes, and slept peacefully/comfortably!
It's already shaping up to be a great 2013.

Father and daughters...


my anniversary/ Christmas present!