A River Runs Through It

'For some time, though, he struggled for more to hold on to. "Are you sure you have told me everything you know about his death?" he asked. I said, "Everything." "It's not much is it?" "No," I replied, "but you can love completely with out complete understanding." "That I have known and preached," my father said.

Once my father came back with another question. "Do you think I could have helped him?" he asked. Even if I might have thought longer, I would have made the same answer. "Do you think I could have helped him?" I answered. We stood waiting in deference to each other. How can a question be answered that asks a lifetime of questions?'
~~Norman Maclean (A River Runs Through It)

Two things stick out to me. "...but you can love completely without complete understanding." And, "How can a question be answered that asks a lifetime of questions?"

Norman Maclean really nails it down here. I lost a brother several years ago in a very confusing, misunderstood set of circumstances. He much reminded me of the younger brother in this movie, Paul. David lived fast, free and easy. Well, he made it look easy anyway... We all loved him completely without complete understanding. When David passed away we all kept asking questions about his death to no avail. It is getting easier to get up everyday and carry on without knowing all the details surrounding his death. He is just as dearly missed as the first day we went on without him. He is just as dearly loved as the first day my parents laid eyes on him. His memory brings smiles to our faces, his laugh still rings in our ears. It was contagious. He was the greatest big brother. He loved me and used to make me play on my guitar and sing "Bobby McGee" over the phone when he called.

I used to think I should have called him more. Helped him more. Walked with him more through his life. But now I know that that is a lifetime of questioning that cannot be answered either.

Just to know that he knew we loved him. That is enough.

"Eventually all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world's great floods and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of the rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs. I am haunted by waters." ~~Norman Maclean

Be Sunday Still

Every picture tells of story. A story of love.

For My Mother-- good days that will be again...

"Out to Old Aunt Mary's"
James Whitcomb Riley
October 7, 1853 – July 22, 1916



Wasn't it pleasant, O brother mine,
In those old days of the lost sunshine
Of youth—when the Saturday's chores were through,
And the "Sunday's wood" in the kitchen, too,
And we went visiting, me and you,
Out to Old Aunt Mary's?

It all comes back so clear today!
Though I am as bald as you are gray
Out by the barn-lot, and down the lane,
We patter along in the dust again.
As light as the tips of the drops of the rain Out to Old Aunt Mary's!

We cross the pasture, and through the wood
Where the old gray snag of the poplar stood,
Where the hammering red-heads hopped awry,
And the buzzard "raised" in the clearing sky,
And lolled and circled, as we went by,
Out to Old Aunt Mary's.

And then in the dust of the road again;
And the teams we met, and the countrymen;
And the long highway, with sunshine spread
As thick as butter on country bread,
Our cares behind, and our hearts ahead
Out to Old Aunt Mary's.

Why, I see her now in the open door,
Where the little gourds grew up the sides, and o'er
The clapboard roof!—And her face—ah, me!
Wasn't it good for a boy to see—
And wasn't it good for a boy to be Out to Old Aunt Mary's?

The jelly—the jam and the marmalade,
And the cherry and quince "preserves" she made!
And the sweet-sour pickles of peach and pear,
With cinnamon in 'em, and all things rare!—
And the more we ate was the more to spare,
Out to Old Aunt Mary's!

And the old spring-house in the cool green gloom
Of the willow-trees, and the cooler room
Where the swinging-shelves and the crocks were kept-
Where the cream in a golden languor slept
While the waters gurgled and laughed and wept—
Out to Old Aunt Mary's.

And as many a time have you and I
Barefoot boys in the days gone by
Knelt and in tremulous ecstasies
Dipped our lips into sweets like these,
Memory now is on her knees Out to Old Aunt Mary's!

And O, my brother, so far away,
This is to tell you she waits today
To welcome us:—Aunt Mary fell
Asleep this morning, whispering, "Tell
The boys to come!" And all is well Out to Old Aunt Mary's.

I love you Mom! I found this poem today in my documents and just knew I needed to share it with you!

Hennrietta Lacks

I'm reading a book about HeLa cells. You may have heard of Henrietta Lacks. A black woman who died from cervical cancer yet her cells still live today in labs across the world.

"We must not see any person as an abstraction. Instead, we must see in every person a universe with its own secrets, with its own treasures, with its own sources of anguish, and with some measure of triumph.
~~ Elie Wiesel (from "The Nazi Doctors and the Nuremberg Code")

I have always known that each person is exactly that-- a person. Created in God's image with a need for love. From the unborn, to the child, to the elderly. Our society has a way of casting these aside somehow.

My desire is to always make those around me aware of how special each of us are in God's sight and how special we should be in one another's sight. Take care of each other. People matter.

Somebody's mother...

Cherry Clafoutis--Yummy!

This recipe is so yummy served warm with fresh whipped cream.

Cherry Clafoutis:
• 2 C fresh cherries, pitted
• 3 eggs
• 3/4 C sugar
• 2 T brown sugar
• 1/2 C all-purpose flour
• Pinch salt
• 1 C milk
• 1/2 t almond extract
• 2 t vanilla extract
• Powdered sugar for dusting

Generously butter your round casserole dish or pie pan, sprinkle with raw/brown sugar, and place halved, pitted cherries in the pan. Beat the eggs, sugar, flour, salt, milk, almond extract, and vanilla extract gently with a fork. Pour over the cherries and bake in 350 degree oven for about 45 minutes or until golden brown.

Comfort food for the soul. :) :)

Fledgling Albatross

Apparently the parents abandon the baby albatross to take his first flight in order to go and feed himself. So, with limited space to fly, he takes off over the ocean while the shark waits for him to clumsily flap and land only a few feet off shore. As I sat and watched this on the T.V. I found myself yelling at the baby bird, shouting, screaming, cheering...

Some days that's exactly how I feel... watching friends and family get eaten along with many near misses; and then it's my turn to take off! YIKES!!! Beginnings are always hard.

Happy Monday to you. :)

Two Months of Being 50

So, we hit the two month mark today of being fifty years old. How sweet it is! I like being fifty. It's so much different than being 49... I feel wiser or something of the sort. Maybe there is more freedom to be myself or just to know in my knower that all is well and if it isn't it will be!

I spent most of the morning memorizing the menu from The Lamplighter. This should decrease prep time in plating. Then we went to church in Powell. What a great service... a very pertinent message. God's Word always is! We then got groceries and headed home to let dog out (woof woof, woofwoof.)

Hank is growing fast. He has surpassed our other pooch in height and weight. He is going to be bigger than we thought. He is very vocal about things like discipline and such. He talks back when you tell him no. He does like to be loved on, but isn't real keen on me pulling him up into my lap, smooching, hugging and squeezing. He growls and bites me. So, I just hold him tighter and make him submit!! It's a dog for crying out loud and I want to hug him for awhile. :)

The Beautician should be stopping by this afternoon to collect up some paperwork that has been accumulating on the countertop here at home. I think school is going quite well for her. After all, she is an artist and has all the qualities that go with that gift.

All is well for today. Thank the Lord. And remember, if it isn't well, it will be.

The Beautician among the peppers at Pike's Place Market

"Men profess to be lovers of music, but for the most part they give no evidence in their opinions and lives that they have heard it." ~Henry David Thoreau

Seems like most of us wander this earth with our jaws flapping and no real life experience to back it up. Lately, for me, it's been a test of simply shutting up! I don't know it all, I don't pretend to have it all figured out; I am still being sanctified by God Himself.

Thoreau spoke truth in these words which can be paralleled with all of man's opinions on every subject-- especially in music and the Bible.

I've extensively been around preachers and musicians and have often needed a shovel to get out of the room!

Whether you are a preacher, choir director, chef, mechanic, parent, or a human being... you know what they say about opinions... If you live on planet earth you are in the same boat as the rest of us. The greatest scholars were wise enough to admit that the more learned they became, the higher the level of humility. So it should be.

We would all do well to aspire to a higher level of grace. Mercy does triumph over judgement, and it is better to keep your mouth shut and let people suppose you are ignorant, than to open your mouth and confirm it.

"Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn." ~Charlie Parker

Charlie Parker and Miles Davis

Rope Ride and Whistle

I went to see my filly yesterday to take her to the brand inspector and finish the sale.
Alas, he was at a seminar at our local community college and won't be back to his shop until Monday.
Addie loaded into the trailer like the sweet little lady that she is. The more I look at her the prettier she gets!

I can't wait for the weather to warm up a bit so I can get busy finishing her and riding her. She caught on to the longeing on the lead line really fast. She lets me pick up all her feet and groom her everywhere. Oh, I can't wait for the first ride. It's gonna be so sweet to ride my own horse.

"All music is folk music. I ain't never heard a horse sing a song."
~~Louis Armstrong

"I've often said there's nothing better for the inside of a man than the outside of a horse."
~~Ronald Reagan

This is what I will be doing someday!

It's Wednesday! Day Three at The Lamplighter

I love Wednesdays. They seem to mark the beginning of the end of the week! Strange... I love Mondays too. They give me a sense of a new start and certain direction for getting things done. By Friday my attitude slips sideways, almost beyond recognition. I don't much care for Saturdays and Sunday afternoons are usually long as well.

As I was on the elliptical machine at the gym today I was thinking about how easy and habitual it is for me to live so far ahead of the moment. Sad. Why? ...seems I am unappreciative or ungrateful-- if I were to be honest.

I hope to be more aware of wishing away my time or always planning my next move. I will begin to slow down and enjoy the task at hand, the loved ones I am privileged to have in my life and the new friends that come along everyday.

In case I haven't said this to all of you lately, I love you!

This is day three of my new job. I am really enjoying the folks I am working with. The restaurant is clean, the food is amazing, with laughter and good company in abundance. Thanks Rick and Julie. You guys rock!

If you are in Powell, stop by The Lamplighter and get tasty meal, meet great peeps and relax!

Shark!

My oldest daughter is a shark expert! She owns every shark video available and has read all the books. We have visited reefs and aquariums from San Diego to Seattle and Denver to Las Vegas.

I must admit I am mesmerized by the time we get to the shark tank. The majestic, free floating mass of fish that actually has cognitive and calculative thought processes. And so many different types of sharks, not to mention the other sea life that swims gingerly about them.

I do enjoy the tranquil splendor of the jellyfish tank. We stand there and marvel every time asking, "Where is their brain? Where is their mouth? Where is this or that?"

God is the God of creation. He is so creative... so are we if we put our mind to it!

Austin at the shark tank in Denver.

"I am the walrus... coo coo cahchoo!"

Serene tank!

Now go... create something! Go big! I imagine this is what God did when He created the universe.

Corners and Angles -- Sunday Stills

What would angles and corners be without light and shadow?

A New Week Starting Today

Well, today is Sunday. The month of January is half over. Amazing! It's not a matter of looking back to see what's happened yesterday, but a matter of looking ahead to today and tomorrow.

I often say of myself that I am teachable. I honestly do believe that I can learn--I can be taught. Then a hard lesson comes along and I bow my neck! I eventually give in and try to see the truth and what I can do to further the truth in any given situation. But sometimes my pride or past wounds interfere.

God is faithful to lead me if I submit my will. I have always been labeled as very determined. That I have spunk and spirit! It's true. If you hang around long enough you might hear me say: "Let's do something... even if it's wrong!!"

I came across a quote the other day: "It is possible to learn from an enemy things we can't learn from a friend." There is always something to be taken from any given situation in our lives. Even if it's how not to do something.

"It takes a world with trouble in it to train men and women for their high calling as children of God."
~~Anonymous

"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." ~~Jesus Christ

I'm learning to live in the moment. Take things as they come and realize that the past is gone and done. Yep, today is Sunday. The first day of whatever comes from this moment. Bring it on! Let's do something... :)

Already gone!

Horseman Wisdom

Went to Frannie Tack Shop yesterday to look at saddles. The owner was there and was more than willing to school me in some differences between reining and cutting saddles. I sat in two and decided on the cutter. My horse isn't quite ready for a new saddle so it'll be about 30 days or so.

We got to talking before we left the shop and sharing about breaking horses and raising kids. The shop owner mentioned how each child is an individual and not all kids are cut out for academia. Some are tradesmen, destined for vocational school and to force them into something else may not work out too well. (He spoke from experience, so did I!)

He also drew a parallel that a horse cannot be trained for every job, (or even what you would want from the horse) but should be schooled according to how they are bred and how they are physically and emotionally put together. Some are cutters, some are headers and heelers, and some are trail horses. The trainer needs to recognize the individuals particular talents/bents and encourage in these directions for a happy, successful horse and training experience.

I enjoyed my visit, the discount on the supplies I purchased, and the wisdom from a fellow parent/horse trainer.
I'll be going back there to buy a new saddle in the spring. I am thankful for folks around these parts. They are so friendly and willing to share a little bit of their life with others!

My new filly's granddad.

Busy, busy

Twas a busy day of going to Red Lodge to be with friends I have made over the last few years we lived there. Then my friend Kelly and I went to Bridger to take her son and granddaughter some things they needed. We went to lunch. We visited for awhile and then headed back to Red Lodge, talking and laughing all the way. We met up with another friend for a cup of coffee and then it was back to Cody. I needed a day like this. I am indeed blessed with people who love me... I love them too! :)

Kelly at Canyon De Chelly in November. See the petroglyphs behind her?

Ireland by St. Patrick's Day

I keep getting emails from a travel company about the huge discounts I would receive if I just booked my trip to Ireland before such and such a date. I am so tempted. I love Ireland. Of course, I love Tuscany, I love Paris and I wouldn't mind seeing Australia and the outback either! Wanderlust--plain and simple.

With a wee bit of snow on the ground and the temps dropping to single digits these last few days, I'd settle for Cabo San Lucas or even Hawaii. One day at a time. That's all anyone of us can do.
This too shall pass.

Now how'd he get in here! :) :) :0

Oh Happy Day...

I went to see my new horse today, visited with friends, ate lunch with Construction Man, did the laundry, washed my car, talked to my mom and dad on the phone, and lo and behold ended up with a job as a prep cook at a local nice restaurant! I am very excited to get started. (next Monday) It is only part time, but it's around food and a really great chef that I have known for sometime. She is an amazing woman and has a marvelous restaurant.

Not a bad start for the week!


"The best things in life are nearest: Breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of right just before you. Then do not grasp at the stars, but do life's plain, common work as it comes, certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things in life." ~Robert Louis Stevenson

Simple, sweet and not unnoticed.

Sunday Stills

Light Painting

firepit

tent lit from the inside

moon over the canyon wall

Isn't that just like Him...

We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us;
we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.
~~C. S. Lewis

My first modeling gig!

I'm know for a fact I have two huge fans--my mom and dad! Isn't it great how parents can stand back from their child's life and see such beauty and potential, but the child cannot see it. You can tell your daughter everyday of her life that she is special, that she "can do it!" and that she has what it takes. But, that person has to find out such things for herself. She has to have her own successes and failures and develop her own moxie and flair.

Each of us has to navigate the waters of life and trials of this world. We have to decide what we'll put up with or what we won't. Sometimes this can take a long time. Some of us get it quicker, arrive "there" faster, but some of us hesitate, counting the cost, wondering if it will all be worth it when we are finished. Others just plain believe the scoffers and let our doubts rule. Sadly, most never go on to dream, act on some of those dreams, and be content with the joy offered on every given day.

"The cost of indecision is a mundane life, filled with regrets at it's closing."
~~ Construction Man

So,today, you have God's permission to live. He will do His best for us. He already has through His Son. We are free to dream, love, forgive, hope, plan, work and be at peace. Don't be afraid. It's a given: this life is gonna hurt. But it's in the pain that we grow stronger and deeper in our faith in God and realize our full potential.

Happy Birthday, Jayme!

Today is my sister-in-law's birthday! She is a sweetheart. She is a wife and a mother of three.
Two boys and a girl. They are a great family with a lot of energy and much love! Jayme is forgiving and
full of grace. She takes care of so many people in so many ways.

Happy Birthday to you, Jayme. We love you and thank God for you!

Card From a Friend

I received a card from a very close friend yesterday. She lives in Washington state and we were reunited last summer after about twenty years when I went out to Kirkland for a few months this summer.

We rode horses together everyday as kids, swam in the lake, went to school together, movies, dinners, trips... she even dated my older brother for a short time! We had a blast as young girls. It was a great childhood together. Needless to say, when I realized she was only 10 minutes from my apartment in Kirkland, WA, I was ecstatic.

We spent this past summer riding horses, eating and talking. She loved on me when I needed a friend. She is such a wonderful person. Full of life and good humor. She is an engineer and has been for many years. She is very smart and has a lot of drive. I admire her and am honored to call her friend.

I received her card for my birthday yesterday. Late? Yes, too much moving around for the mail to keep up. But her words were so kind and sunk deep into my heart. We don't get too many friends in this lifetime. I don't intend to squander this relationship. I am grateful for her in my life. I look forward to the days to come when we will be together and ride our "mules" again. Her nickname is Goose and mine is Doogers... That's what she calls me!! It makes me laugh everytime.

I love you, Goose!

At Auburn Downs in WA last June.

So, What's it Gonna Be?

I have been plagued with a nagging, persistent thought life. Better yet, an imagination that does not quit. A determined train of thought that just keeps rolling, chugging, steaming through my life day and night! It's full of what-ifs and overcommunication with people sometimes presence and most times not. This mind demands to know the rest of the story--"What did she say?" "What happened next?" "What did he say?" "Then what did they do?" I'm sure it stems from great insecurity as a younger girl. But mostly because I love to read, write, and play music. I am inspired by nature in the most peculiar ways and training animals, growing things and smelling smells enlivens my brain beyond comprehension!

Here's my main thought for the past few days: "What am I going to be/do for the next twenty to thirty years?"

I apologize to every youth to whom I have posed this question. How daunting, even at the age of 50, that one should actually have to pick something, one thing, anything, out of this big, beautiful, mysterious, dangerous, incredible world to do for the rest of your days. Perhaps that is why I have so many college credits in so many different areas! I hate the old cliche "jack of all trades, master of none," but this is often how I think of myself. (However, being a homeschool mom, this came in quite handy.)

There have been a few colleges in the last few days contacting me to finish an online degree in business administration. Tempting...

"The length of our days is seventy years-- or eighty if we have the strength; yet their span is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away. ...teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."
--God

This Psalm 90 is a good one to start out the new year. If read and understood from start to finish, it's reassuring to know that the God of the the universe, the One and Only, the God of all is in control. To focus on Him is to begin well. To remain focused on Him no matter what comes down the pike, is to finish well. That is to 'number our days aright.' He'll teach us how...

"...yes, establish the work of our hands." Psalm 90:17

January 1, 2012

Oh happy day!
It snowed here yesterday and we stayed in all day. The girls came and went with friends and work, but Construction Man and I just hung out. I baked two remarkable loaves of bread and huge pot of beef bourguignon from Julia's cook book. It was the perfect day to stay indoors and cook and eat... and eat... and eat! Today we need to go to the store and replenish supplies.

SNOW DAY!!