A River Runs Through It

'For some time, though, he struggled for more to hold on to. "Are you sure you have told me everything you know about his death?" he asked. I said, "Everything." "It's not much is it?" "No," I replied, "but you can love completely with out complete understanding." "That I have known and preached," my father said.

Once my father came back with another question. "Do you think I could have helped him?" he asked. Even if I might have thought longer, I would have made the same answer. "Do you think I could have helped him?" I answered. We stood waiting in deference to each other. How can a question be answered that asks a lifetime of questions?'
~~Norman Maclean (A River Runs Through It)

Two things stick out to me. "...but you can love completely without complete understanding." And, "How can a question be answered that asks a lifetime of questions?"

Norman Maclean really nails it down here. I lost a brother several years ago in a very confusing, misunderstood set of circumstances. He much reminded me of the younger brother in this movie, Paul. David lived fast, free and easy. Well, he made it look easy anyway... We all loved him completely without complete understanding. When David passed away we all kept asking questions about his death to no avail. It is getting easier to get up everyday and carry on without knowing all the details surrounding his death. He is just as dearly missed as the first day we went on without him. He is just as dearly loved as the first day my parents laid eyes on him. His memory brings smiles to our faces, his laugh still rings in our ears. It was contagious. He was the greatest big brother. He loved me and used to make me play on my guitar and sing "Bobby McGee" over the phone when he called.

I used to think I should have called him more. Helped him more. Walked with him more through his life. But now I know that that is a lifetime of questioning that cannot be answered either.

Just to know that he knew we loved him. That is enough.

"Eventually all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world's great floods and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of the rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs. I am haunted by waters." ~~Norman Maclean